That is my spot.
In an ever-changing world it is a simple point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function in a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be [0, 0, 0, 0].

-  Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory.

Today I lost the one point of consistency that I had left in my ever-changing world. The one thing I knew I could rely on to never change let me down… Poop. 
At least books don’t let me down ☺︎

Love always ♡

10th August, 2014: Marathon

After you run a marathon your first action would probably be to rest. Sit down with your feet off the ground, a refreshing drink of water and even “resting your eyelids” for just a moment. 

Surely you wouldn’t go straight back onto the field to compete in sprints or relays. Your legs are aching and wobbling like jelly, your heart rate is still sky high and you can’t feel your toes- there’s no way in heck you’re going back onto the track just yet!


Sometimes though, you have no choice but to get back out there and push harder, harder, harder! Ignoring the aches and pains, the wobbles in your knees and claiming you’re just fine to keep going. 

Eventually you forget about the world and about yourself. You’re so focussed on finishing this race, then the one after that and so on. Nothing matters except crossing that finish line with your arms high and a grin on your face. Smile for the people!


All the while your body is slowly exhausting itself to the point of collapse. You just don’t know it.


Friends, I’ve just run a marathon and then sprints, and finally back to an endurance run again. Only difference to the example above? My efforts have been mental.

And now I’m exhausted! I mentally have no energy left to do my homework or to even think of going to school. Unfortunately, this sudden mental collapse has come as a shock as I’d been pushing so hard and ignoring my aches and pains so much that I’d forgotten about everything except the finish line. 

I was meant to be going out at some point today and doing all my homework too - ha ha, yeah right! I am so exhausted and overwhelmed that the finish line is now something of a dream far, far off from me.


Would you mind terribly if I did a mini-rant? Just to complain about all the things I’ve been doing that have left me so run down…


#1: Assessments by the dozen. And it’s only week three!

So lets begin; Term 3 of school comes along smoothly- I’m all fine and dandy -But about halfway through the second week of this term I’m given not one, not two, not three but five assessments! English, Maths, History and and two for French. 
What could be worse than five assessments? Oh, I know! Three are due in the same week and the other two are tests two days in a row! Goodbye free time, hello late nights.


#2: The Australian Maths Competition aka Death by Paper

I should feel privileged that I’m in the advanced maths class! Whoopee I’m so smart! (NOT) I hate math and am actually very bad at math.
Anyway, advanced class should mean cool stuff, right? But noo, we get to take part in the AMC, or the Australian Maths Competition if you really want to stress me out. 
Basically you sit and do virtually impossible sums for an hour and a half, surrounded by super smart people who know what they’re doing. Oh, and did I mention how much I hate Math and how bad I am?


#3: Partners!

At the beginning of this year I was put into a class with two girls who dislike me, and one girl who I clash with terribly. There were no other girls.
I was doomed to have a horrible year without friends in class until a ray of sunshine by the name of Jasmyn appeared in the room.
We got along like a house on fire!
All the class activities we did together and not once did I worry about the other girls. 
Until Wednesday.
In Drama class we were asked to get into pairs for an upcoming assessment that we’ll be working on for the rest of the year. I turned around to go with Jasmyn, only to find her with one of the other girls. A fake smile plastered on my face I wandered around the class waiting for a person to appear who wasn’t yet taken.
I ended up being the last person left without a partner other than the quiet boy in the corner, whom I’d never spoken to before and who is rumoured to have mental problems.
This was officially the worst Drama class ever.

Admittedly, the boy I am with is surprisingly nice and I believe that the rumours are not true. However I am still not with someone of my own choice and am left feeling unwanted and scared.


#4: Dammit the bar is falling down, falling down, falling down… ♫

Let me get one thing straight- I am one of the least sporty people in my grade. I can’t sport for the life of me.
Last year though, a flower of joy sprouted in my chest when I discovered I am good at high jump! The best female jumper in my class! Being the tallest girl in the year probably helps but no matter, I was overjoyed to finally be good at something sporty.
This year we were practicing for the schools sports carnival, which is normally a boring day for me as I don’t take part in any races. This year though, like last year, I was going to go into the high jump and hopefully win, just like last year. 
Disaster struck during practice when I couldn’t even clear the 1m 10cm bar, a height I’d easily cleared before. I kept trying and trying, but for some  reason It wasn’t working! I hit the bar again and again, and it fell to the ground again and again dragging all my hopes down with it.
The last straw was landing on the bar and bruising my back. After that I walked away with a fake smile on my face and a broken spirit.



And that was a summary of my mental marathon, sprints and endurance run over the last week and a half. And I’m not even done yet.

Love always ♡

Intro

Hello friends!

I believe myself to be an odd human being, which is essentially why I decided to make this account.

My account – despite what the name suggests, I am neither bipolar nor an author and my humblest apologies if I offend anyone. I have chosen this name because I will be using this account to talk about my mood, which can often swing dramatically in a short period of time… and also about books.

Ahh, books. They are a terrific escape from reality if you can find the right one, and that’s what I’m here to help you do.

Book recommendations are welcome in the comment section :)

And if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here!

Love always ♡